There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
