I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
