And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
