he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize