whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
