Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
