Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
