I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize