i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
