How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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