Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
