we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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