Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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