He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
