She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize