There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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