Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize