Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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