I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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