You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
