didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
