take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
