you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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