watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
