I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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