he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
