maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
