dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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