the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
