girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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