I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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