Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Of course I have a pirate flag
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
