Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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