hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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