Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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