If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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