The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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