I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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