oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I forget how to act sober
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
