It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
