hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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