it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
