And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
