im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
