Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
