why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
