I'm going to jail i love you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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