youre lurking in front of me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
