I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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