i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
