I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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