gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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