And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
