I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
