So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
