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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
