Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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