So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
