Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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