I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
