Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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