Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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