I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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