Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
