if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
