WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
being pregnant is like rehab
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
